Teaching Your Kids to Advocate For Themselves

Today’s topic is about having your kids advocate for themselves. This theoretically SHOULD get better with age but like any skill, it gets better with practice. There are many opportunities for children to speak up for themselves and volleyball is a great way to force some of those conversations.

We should approach each conversation respectfully – from both sides. Listening for understanding is imperative. If you don’t understand what the other person is saying to you, ask for clarification. In the words of Michael Scott, “tell me like I’m 5.” If you don’t get it, ask. If they don’t get what you’re saying, clarify.

As a parent, it’s your job to help your kids speak for themselves. We talk in parent meetings about this chain of communication from the player to the coach. It’s important to empower your athletes to be able to have honest conversations with authority figures. Try your best to not put words in their mouth – if there appears to be no problem, don’t create a problem based on your own personal feelings. If they are coming home from practice frustrated, ask. Maybe it was just a bad day, maybe it’s a string of bad days. When they vent, ask about the response from the coach. What is the coach telling them to do? What feedback is the coach giving them? If your kid is honestly not understanding or able to apply the feedback (or doesn’t feel like they’re getting any feedback), encourage them to start that conversation.

As a coach, we can’t see or hear everything. There may be issues beyond our awareness. Our goal is that all players and families enjoy the team and each other (and compete, improve, etc – see previous blog about goal setting). We want volleyball to be a place that the kids come and like being there. If there are concerns, we would like to address them. Give the coach a chance to improve the situation.
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From day to day, kids should be having conversations with their coaches – whether long or short. Both sides should actually understand what the other is saying. If there are things that your kid is having trouble communicating with their coach, help them find the words for their feelings and encourage them to have that conversation. Let them drive and help clarify based on what they’ve told you previously along the way. Then when your kid gets older, they’ll be more comfortable having these conversations with other coaches, employers, potential employers, and maybe also you!